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This week's must-have purchase – red converse trainers and a reality check

It's official - Stan Smith's are out and red converse are in. And if you really want to be 'on trend' - wear said red converse trainers with faded denim.

The Prime Minister may be interested in this little snippet of fashion news. Theresa May is after all a well-known lover of footwear and as she will be having more leisure time shortly, she may want to ditch her kitten heels for something a bit more comfy.

But what's that - news just in - Theresa is not in the market for a pair of trainers, she has declared she is 'not a quitter' and will lead her party through another election.

(Shakes head sadly, crumples glossy photo of red converse into a ball and throws it in the bin).

What is going on Theresa? Why do you insist on clinging on? I understand you don't want one of the boys to take over. It was a great thing you were the second female to run this country. Women were given a boost to see you up there showing the men how it was done. But that was all so short-lived.

It quickly became clear it wasn't simply about having a woman in the job, it had to be the right woman. (Phone rings – 'ah Ruth Davidson I'll call you back and we'll chat in a bit).

The Conservative Conference got under way in Manchester yesterday (Sunday) and it must be one of the few times the elected party has had to so desperately prove its worth. Far from the celebratory atmosphere of last week's Labour conference, it seems bringing together so many Tories in a small space has only magnified the issues the party is having to deal with.

The best the Tories have managed to pull out of the bag so far are a few weak attempts to win over the youth vote by freezing university tuition fees at £9,250 (compared with Labour's promise to scrap them altogether) and a plan to extend the Help to Buy housing scheme by injecting it with £10billion from that magic money tree of theirs. Surely better to hand out a nice wodge of £50 notes to each young person struggling to get a deposit together.

Boris Johnson just won't lie down and be good. By bringing out his 'four red lines' for Brexit just ahead of the party conference he looks to me like a man who wants to be sacked. But even without the constant irritant of Boris, Theresa is out of touch with the mood of this country. She thinks we believe her when she says everything is under control.

Does she not realise we are fully aware of the squabbling behind the scenes, that hope for successfully negotiating Brexit looks all but impossible and that her power over all of this palaver is as weak as a broken stiletto heel?

Theresa, what about those red converse? Do you fancy a pair? What's that – you quite like the look of the Stan Smiths. There are no words...


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