I liken this week's Brexit shenanigans to a game of Deal or No Deal but with shoe boxes.
Instead of Noel Edmonds of Crinkley Bottom fame presiding over the contest, we have Theresa May and her haul of 'I'm the Prime Minister loot'.
It is an incredible fact, that a woman who looks like she's holding onto her job by her chipped gel manicure could be showered by gifts. But the weekend papers revealed that Theresa has received gifts from all over the place including a bumper delivery from Stella McCartney and the must-have flat shoes of a moment or two ago – the Charlotte Olympia embroidered cat slippers, which have graced the feet of high rating fashion types like Alexa Chung. She also received shoes from online brand Hotter.
The sting in the tale is after former leader David Cameron decided there had to be more transparency about the gifts MPs were receiving, everyone has to not only declare what they have received but must pay for it too, even the Prime Minister.
As a result Theresa hasn't been keeping everything she has been sent. The Hotter shoes went back, obviously, but she gladly stumped up for all the Stella McCartney gear and the cat slippers. But has Theresa closed the deal too early? Should she have held out for the Manolo Blahnik's decorated with real unicorn tears? Because if we know one thing about Theresa, it's that she isn't good with deals.
As we speak, she will be winging her way over to Brussels with her Brexit side-kick David Davis to see if she can try and woo Juncker and Barnier over a candlelit dinner tonight (Monday). This follows a reaching of an impasse with the EU over the Brexit divorce bill and their relationship moving forwards.
The EU is demanding to know how much cash the UK is going to stump up as part of the Brexit divorce and Theresa and her clan are unprepared to give an exact figure, insisting the big reveal will only come once talks on their future relationship start.
This has left Juncker fuming that whilst Britain has been a good ally during the war and 'everywhere and in everything' they must now pay. He likened it to buying a round of drinks for 28 people in a bar and leaving without paying. Quite.
Theresa showed all the signs of a desperate woman last week when she started to talk about walking away from the EU without any deal at all – an option which has been branded the 'cliff edge'. This has provoked extreme anxiety amongst many MPs including chancellor Philip Hammond who has been lambasted for refusing to put aside the £250million which would be needed to put the UK together again Humpty Dumpty style should Theresa decide to walk off that cliff edge.
There are talks pockets of Tory and Labour MPs are getting together to form a strong coalition against any no deal legislation being passed through Parliament. They claim the cliff edge would be the ruin of this country leaving it with insurmountable difficulties over trade, customs, manufacture and aviation.
Let's hope Theresa is able to ply Juncker and Barnier with enough Peroni to make them more amenable to beginning the next stage of talks then. And let's for goodness sake hope they don't start fighting over who is going to pay the dinner bill.